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Warriors Spoof-tacular!
Warning: May contain content so hilarious you will suffocate laughing. You have been warned. XD. Also please don't edit this I would like to keep writing these all by my self. Do not edit, please. Okay, thank ya'll. I also give credit to the Erins for their amazingness at coming up with some of these ideas! And another note to all the people reading this, I don't have an account but you may call me Boldypelt. Do not call me Boulderpelt, Bold, or Bold Bold. Boldy is exceptable. If you are saying 'Well that's a really strange name!' I would say 'Well I chose it because I like the color neon.' And if you would say 'Well neon isn't a color.' I would say 'Well in my world, everything is a color.' And then the argument would probably go on for awhile, but in the end, I would win. Spoof 1: Why Cats Can't and Shouldn't Use Cellphones Firestar: Look Thunderclan! I have found this amazing... uh.... thing, that blinks and makes noises! Thunderclan Cats: Ohhh, ahhhh! Firestar: I will now use this uh.... thing to play some two-leg noises that it uh...... makes into noise. *hits screen with paw until What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction plays* Squirrelflight: I have a random desire to scream like a fangirl *shrieks and passes out* Leafpool: I will administer first- OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS MATILDA! I MUST HAVE HARRY STYLES! Icecloud: Oh no you didn't, Harry is mine! Don't make me snap my fingers in a z-formation, exclamation point! Leafpool: *attacks Icecloud and they go rolling out of camp* Firestar: Turn off turn off! *hits screen with paws until music stops, she-cats stop screaming and falling over* Leafpool: *stumbles back into camp with a bunch of white fur in her paws* -crowd gasps- Icecloud: *crawls back into camp with most of fur gone* I'm fine everyone *passes out* Firestar: *laughs nervously* Let's try something else... Brambleclaw: NO! Let's not try something else! Firestar: Que? No English! *harlem shake starts playing* Cloudtail: *starts dancing* What is happening to me *music pauses* Phone: DO THE HARLEM SHAKE! -entire clearing erupts into dancing and Mario and Luigi appear out of nowhere- Mario: It's a me, Mario! Seedkit: Look mommy it's that person from this other blinky thing I found *holds up DS* Mario: Mama mia, I'm in the wronga world! Come ona guys let's a go! -Luigi runs after him out of camp and Yoshi pops out of the DS and follows them- Firestar: *dancing* Must- turn- music- off! *hits screen with foot and music turns off* Brambleclaw: NO MORE! -Brackenfur raises paw- Firestar: Yes Brakenfur? Brackenfur: Um... aren't you dead? -silence- Firestar: No English! *goes running out of camp and Brackenfur wakes up* Brackenfur: What a strange dream! No more mouse tails before bed for me! *spys mouse tail* One more couldn't hurt *eats it* Firestar: *poofs out of nowhere* DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!!! Spoof 2: Why Squirrelflight Really Broke Up With Ashfur Squirrelflight: Leafpool I need to ask you about something. Leafpool: What? I don't have a secret relationship with Crowfeather, are you kidding me? Squirrelflight: What? Leafpool: Nothing, ask away dear sister. Squirrelflight: Okay then... So Ashfur has been bugging me a lot lately! I can't get any time on my own, here I'll tell you about it... -awhile before- Squirrelflight: *sun bathing on a rock* Ashfur *pops up behind rock* Hello sunshine! Squirrelflight: *screams and falls off rock* What the heck are you doing? Ashfur: I just wanted to spend some quality time with my BGF! Do you know what that stands for? Best girlfriend evah, boop! *taps on nose* Squirrelflight: Uh... I just remember... I have to go out hunting... *runs out of camp* -hunting in the forest later- Squirrelflight: I can't believe I'm finally away from- Ashfur: *pops out from bush* Hi honey! Squirrelflight: *screams* ASHFUR! Ashfur: I got you something *pulls out tracking collar* Now I can know where you are, all the time! We can be together forever *snaps collar around her neck*. Squirrelflight: Oh thanks... Gotta go! *runs away screaming to the lake*. -later at lake- Squirrelflight: I've got to get this thing off before he finds me *light bulb appears above head* I know! *sticks head in water and gets electricuted causing lake to light up* -meanwhile across the lake in Riverclan territory- Leopardstar: *watching lights* Mistyfoot, should we be worried? Mistyfoot: Yes, yes we should. -back at lake- Squirrelflight: *gets up and pulls collar off* Well, that worked. *stumbles back into camp and thinks* Hey I'll see if Leafpool can give me some advice! -back to present- Squirrelflight: And now we are back in the present and you see my predicament. Leafpool: I do, and I know the solution. JUST GET BACK TOGETHER WITH BRAMBLECLAW! You have another tom who wants you as much as Ashfur. Squirrelflight: Yeah! Thank you sister! *skips out of den and to Brambleclaw* Oh Brambley-Wrambley! Brambleclaw: Uh... Yes? Squirrelflight: I'm taking you back! Brambleclaw: Oh joy! *they skip off into the sunset together* -Ashfur suddenly appears and stops them- Ashfur: What you doin' with my girl? *slaps Brambleclaw* Squirrelflight: Ashfur, I'm breaking up with you. You are a clingy little stalker who follows me everywhere, and I want you gone, but we're still friends! Don't turn into a sycopathic murderer or anything! *skips away with Brambleclaw* Ashfur: Oh, I'm a creepy stalker, you are such a fox-hearted, peice of mouse-dung that-!" -Squirrelflight's story is interrupted by Jaykit- Jaykit: Mommy, what does fox-hearted mean? Lionkit: Yeah and what does mouse-dung mean? Hollykit: And remember that word you said when you went to the fresh-kill pile one time and the last mouse was gone- Squirrelflight: I think that's enough questions for today! Now go run along and play my little children *cough cough* not. Jaykit: What was that mommy? Squirrelflight: I said go and play, now do as mommy tells you and LEAVE! -meanwhile at the edge of the clearing- Ashfur: I will get my revenge on Squirrelflight by hurting the things she loves most! Her kits! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- *chokes and coughs* I swallowed a bug. Spoof 3: Questions Kittens Ask Seedkit: Momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma- Sorreltail: *snaps awake* That's not my two-leg! Seedkit what do you want? Seedkit: Mommy, you know Dewkit and Amberkit and Snowkit? Sorreltail: Uh, yes. Seedkit: Where did they come from? Sorreltail: One second sweety *pulls out cellphone that she stole from Firestar after he found it* Hey, Brakenfur, yeah, she asked the question Brackenfur: *can be heard* WHAT? Sorreltail: Shut up! I need you in here now! Brackenfur: *can't be heard* I'm on my way! *pops magically into den* Sorreltail: Okay Seedkit, sit down here, okay? Okay. Seedkit: So, where do kits come from? Brackenfur: Uh... Well... I.... Sorreltail: Well you see, your father and I love each other very much, Seedkit: Uh huh... Brackenfur: And... well... uh.... Sorreltail: We became mates awhile ago, before your older brothers and sisters were born, Seedkit: Okay, I'm with you so far... Brackenfur: *starts crying* Our little she-cat is growing up so fast! Sorreltail: *kicks Brackenfur in the ankle* And when a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much... -Percy Jackson suddenly appears- Percy: Wait! The Fates say she must not know about this yet! Brackenfur: Your not in this book! Percy: Yes, but my father Poesidon the sea god called me here to tell you that she isn't ready! -Geini from Aladin pops up- Geini: *grabs Percy* Don't forget what I told you no wishing to switch between books, and I agree with Percy over here about the not being ready thing. Lilykit: *walks into nursery* Umm... I'll just be outside... *backs out of den again* -Tweety and Sylvester appear- Tweety: I did I did, I did see a puttytat! I see many puttytats! *flys out of nursery* Sylvester: Come back here you litte- *runs out of den after her* -Harry Potter flys in on his broomstick- Harry: She isn't ready! I didn't know about all of this till my sixth year at Hogwarts when- Brackenfur: Shut up! Seedkit: What happened? Sorreltail: Harry, dear, GET OUT! Geini: And Percy that is why you can not wish for somebody be brought back from the dead! Percy: But I have this friend named Nico who- Geini: *covers his mouth* Shush, no one must no that I just don't want to do all the work. Harry: I know how to resurect people! There's this thing called the Ressurection Stone- Geini: WELL THAT DOESN'T EXIST IN THIS BOOK DOES IT! Brackenfur: What have we done? Sorreltail: Why didn't anyone tell us parenting was this hard? Will Ferrel and George Clooney popped up when we had the talk with Poppyfrost, Honeyfern, Molepaw, and Cinderheart. Doesn't this happen to anyone else? Brackenfur: Probably not. Sorreltail: *passes out* Brackenfur: *gets vaccum cleaner* Okay ya'll need to leave! *vaccums up Geini and Harry Potter's broomstick* Harry: No my Firebolt! I named her Jennifer! *runs out of den crying* Geini: It's very dark in here, but my lamp was more cramped. Brackenfur: *to Percy* You want some of this? Percy: No. *backs out of the den* Brackenfur: Well, that wasn't as bad as having to find a car small enough for me to drive, but big enough to fit George Clooney and Will Ferrel into! Seedkit: Daddy? Brackenfur: Yes my little canelope? Seedkit: I still don't know where kits come from. Spoof 4: Blackstar Can't Find His Socks Blackstar: Help, help, help! Rowanfur: There's no need to fear, Rowanfur is here! What seems to be the trouble fine citizen! Blackstar: Rowanfur, don't freak out, I can't find my socks. *holds up hairless paws* Rowanfur: Eek! No your beautiful black cat fur woven socks! *starts breathing into a paper bag* Blackstar: *starts administering CPR* Don't go into the light! Rowanfur: *pushes him off* I'M NOT DYING! Blackstar: Okay that's good. Rowanfur: How are we going to find you new socks by The Gathering? Your amazing socks are your source of power! Blackstar: I've got it Holmes- Rowanfur: What? Blackstar: We will just find a cat with black fur and make me some new socks. I'll go get my big boy scissors, mwhahahaha *disappers into shadows* Rowanfur: I'll be outside... *steps awkwardly out of the den* -twenty minutes later- Blackstar: *jumps out of den holding sheep shears* I have found them! They were in my skull collection right where I put them! Rowanfur: Um... Blackstar: So who do we know with black fur? Rowanfur: Well there's Pinenose... Blackstar: Yes, Pinenose! Ohhhhhhhh Pppppiiiiiinnnnooooosssseeee! Pinenose: *pops up* You called? I mean I wasn't waiting for you to call or anything... Or anything like that... Blackstar: Well.... um.... Pinenose... do you want to.... come into my den? So we can, um, talk? *hides sheep shears behind back* Pinenose: Into your den? Blackstar: Into my den. Pinenose: Just one second, I'll be back in a sec here. *runs to Tawnypelt and shakes her* OH MY GOSH, HE INVITED ME INTO HIS DEN! Tawnypelt: Oh my goodness gracious Matilda! Pinenose: We are going to make the best couple ever! We'll be Blacknose! *runs back to Blackstar* Let's go into your den now. Blackstar: Ladies first. *they walk into den* -two hours later- Pinenose: *runs out of den with no fur* So cold! SOOOOO COOLLDD! Why would you let that maniac have sheep shears? *starts shaking Rowanfur and is pulled into the warrior's den by Tawnypelt* Tawnypelt: Nothing to see here! Move along and go back to your daily lives, move along! Tigerheart: Well I guess Blackstar lost his socks o' power again. Dawnpelt: At least he didn't cut off his toe with the shears again. That took A LOT of glue and cobwebs to get it back on his foot again. Blackstar: *jumps out of den heroically* Look at my beautiful socks! Random Cats: Beautiful, gorgeous sweety, you are so going to be the next big thing in cat hair fashion! Blackstar: Um... Who are you? Random Cat #1: Oh, were the extras the Erins hire to die randomly and just be there. Blackstar: The Erins? Random Cat #2: You know the people who write the books we are in right now. Blackstar: What books? Random Cat #3: Uh... Nevermind. Blackstar: Oh, okay! Off to the gathering my friends! -later at the gathering- Blackstar: Shadowclan will start, be quiet *holds up paw for silence and sock falls off* -crowd gasps- Bramblestar: You've been wearing socks this whole time? You evil cat you! Blackstar: Well... You wear mascara! That's why your non-existent cat eyelashes are so bushy! -crowd shrieks- Bramblestar: What? My eyelashes must be beautiful like my father's were, and still are! And anyways Mistystar is a YouTube singing sensation- -crowd applaudes- Bramblestar: For opera music! -people in crowd pass out- Mistystar: Well... Onestar shampoos and conditions in the lake every morning! -crowd leaves island in disgust- Onestar: No, wait! Not every morning, Ashfoot: So that is why you smell like lavender! Onestar: Well... I... Got nothing. Spoof 5: The Talkshow Lionblaze: And welcome to the offical Warriors talkshow! I'm your host Lionblaze here with the hottest celeb news, and interviews from your favorite cats! First up, my little brother, Jayfeather! -Jayfeather walks out on stage and crowd applauds- Lionblaze: Okay little bro, I need to ask you some questions. Jayfeahter: Okay. Lionblaze: So, I heard you have a girlfriend named Half Moon, is she cute? *starts elbowing Jayfeather* Is she, is she, is she? Jayfeather: *steps away* You already have a mate don't start going after mine! Cinderheart: *somewhere in audience* You tell him brother-in-law of mine! Lionblaze: Sorry honey! Cinderheart: *throws spatula that goes right by Lionblaze's ear* You better be! Lionblaze: Okay Jay, you can leave- Jayfeahter: But- Lionblaze: Security! *security drags Jayfeather off stage* Okay, and next up we have Scourge- -audience gasps- Lionblaze: Don't worry folks he is in a straight-jacket and a muzzle, everything is alright! -security wheels striaght-jacket out and it's empty, audience runs in panic- Lionblaze: Oh Starclan no! We're all gonna die! *goes and hides in a cabinet with the camera man* -five hours later- Lionblaze: *huddled in cabinet* I don't know how much longer we'll make it... wheeze... I can feel the walls closing in! I'm clostraphobic! Let me out! Let me out! Scourge: I can hear you! Lionblaze: *covers own mouth* I won wanna wie! *starts crying* Scourge: I can smell you! Lionblaze: *hands still over mouth* We's wetting wloser! Scourge: I can see you! *opens cabinet door* Lionblaze: *strangeled girl scream and takes off running* TAKE THE CAMERA MAN! Camera Man: No wait- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Scourge: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lionblaze: *hides behind stage curtains* I'm too young to die! I have a mate, and she's expecting kits, and then I really want to buy that sports car! Besides, I'm to gorgeous to be killed by Scourge! Scourge: Lionblaze? Come out, come wherever you are! Lionblaze: Okay you're just being creepy now! *covers mouth* Wang it! Scourge: I know, I am pretty creepy after all! Lionblaze: Wes, wes wou are! Scourge: *pops up around chair* Hello! Lionblaze: *another strangled girlish scream* Oh my gawsh! Don't hurt me! Scourge: Oh, I wasn't going to hurt you. I was going to do something even worse- Lionblaze: What? Scourge: Something terrible, evil, and has never been done before- Lionblaze: *gulps* Scourge: Throw- Lionblaze: Throw? Scourge: You- Lionblaze: Me? Scourge: No, you! A- SUPRISE PARTY! Lionblaze: Oh no- wait what? -bunch of people jump out and yell suprise- Scourge: I wanted to throw my great-half-nephew a suprise party! Lionblaze: Oh. Well that seems very nice of you. Scourge: Yes, it is very nice of me. Would you like some cake? Jayfeahter: *wheels out cake that looks like the lake territory* I made it! I'm thinking about going on Iron Chef! Lionblaze: Well I would like some cake! Thank you! *grabs plate and sits down* Scourge: We have to sing happy birthday! *in Italian accent* Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to youuuu, happy birthday dear Lionblaze! Happy birthday- to- YOOOOOUUUUUU! Now make a wish! Lionblaze: *blows at candles* I will huff and puff! *blows hard and cake explodes* Scourge: *falls over laughing with everybody else* I can't believe you fell for that! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lionblaze: It's not even my birthday either! *starts whiping cake off face* Scourge: That's why I'm evil, not Tigerstar! *disappears Phantom of the Opera style* Lionblaze: No these are tears of joy- no one would ever go to such lengths except you to blow a cake into my face! Thank you, and to all a good night! *disappears Phantom of the Opera style too* OH GREAT UNCLE WAIT UP! Jayfeather: See? What did I tell all of you? This happens every time we throw a party for him! Come on guys let's go! *everyone leaves* -meanwhile backstage- Camera Man: *chained to cabinet door in clown suit* Guys? Hello? Guys, I'm scared of clowns! Get me out of here! GUYS! Spoof 6: When Hedgehogs Fly Lilykit: Momma, what will happen when hedgehogs fly? Sorreltail: Well from old clan legand, it only happened once before. A long, long, long time ago when the clans first came to be- *scene starts warping* Lilykit: Uh... Why is everything getting all warpy? Sorreltail: It's a flashback deal with it, now where was I? Oh yeah, when the clans first came to be- *they are teleported back to ancient clan times and everything is black and white* Yewpelt: Hark, flying hedgehogs are attacking! Run for thy lives! *clan cats run for their lives as the hedgehogs fly in* Random Cat: Oh no, someone save my little Blankkit! Blankkit: Mama! I see flying rodents! Random Cat: No Blankkit, they aren't rodents! They are Erinaceomorpha- Lilykit: Wait, wait, wait! If we're going to tell this story right, we have to at least tell it in color! Sorreltail: Grr, fine! *Muttering to herself as she paints everything* You have to tell it in color! Why can't you be more like your sister and just sit down, turn around, and shut up! Color, color, COLOR!!! *Not muttering* See, it's colored. Are you happy? Lilykit: Very, you may continue on with the story now. Thunder: Don't worry Blankkit, I'll save you! Huzzah! *Brings out sword and slays hedgehog and stands triumphant* Blankkit: Uh, Mr. Thunder? There's- Thunder: Yo, don't interrupt my moment of glory here kid, I'm posing here, I'm posing here! Blankkit: Have it your way... *giant hedgehog swoops down and picks up Thunder* Yewfur: How will this fine establishment of 'Thunderous-Clan' survive without Thunder? -meanwhile in the pack of flying hedgehogs- Thunder: *talking to hedgehogs* You know I think we should just talk this out you guys? What do you want exactly? Lead Hedgehog: Snuffle, snuffle, grunt. Thunder: I see, I see. Well I can make that happen! Lead Hedgehog: Snuffle, grunt? Thunder: Yes, of course we have silly string! Lead Hedgehog: Grunt, grunt. Thunder: And spray cheese, geez you guys love anything that comes in a squirtable bottle! -later at the clans- Yewfur: Rest in peace Thunder! May your moments frolicing in the vallies of Starclan be as happy as- What the chimichanga is that? -hedgehogs are flying in with party sunglasses, animal ballons, and spray cheese- Thunder: *riding on lead hedgehog* We are going to rain the spray of cheese down! *hedgehogs squirt cheese over all of the clan cats* Blankkit: *sitting with mouth open to the sky* Mama, my mouth is tingling! Random Cat: Well, that's what happens when you eat Happy Times Spray Cheese. No real cheese added, just rat poison! That's their catchphrase by the way! Thunder: May the rain of cheese never cease- Lilykit: Mom, stop, stop, stop. That never happened! We don't even know what spray cheese, or silly string, or anything like that is! Sorreltail: No it's real, hehehe, it's real, hehehe, real, real, real, real! *starts twitching and laughing wildly* Lilykit: *runs away screaming* Brackenfur Sorreltail's been on the catnip again! Sorreltail: *lays down alone in nest* Works every time! Spoof 7: Gangnam Fever Leafpool: *runs out of medicine cat den* I know what Bramblestar has! Squirrelflight: What? Is my honey-booboo-mc-cuteykins okay? Leafpool: No. He has a horrible disease called- Gangnam Fever! Squirrelflight: Never heard of it. Leafpool: What? It is a horrible disease! Once you get it you cannot stop doing the Gangnam Style dance! Squirrelflight: Gangnam Style? Leafpool: You know... the song by PSY? Squirrelflight: Huh? *looks at random part of sky* Oh look! A giraffe! Leafpool: *looks at sky and sees nothing* Okay... Well I'm going to show you a presintation on Gangnam Fever! *Geini appears and magically pops up a TV, popcorn, and a couch* Geini: Remember that is your last wish! Goodbye! *disappers in blue smoke* Squirrelflight: *sits down and grabs popcorn* Can I have extra butter? Leafpool: No. *turns on presentation* Narrorator: Gangnam Fever. Caused by over-exposure to Gangnam Style by PSY. Don't worry, it can be treated, by listening to classical music. Now here are some symptoms of the fever- 1. Wearing cool sunglasses. *Squirrelflight grabs some awesome sunglasses and puts them on* 2. Crossing your hands, and waving them up and down in a galloping like motion. *Squirrelflight starts waving her hands* 3. Making galloping motions with your feet. *Squirrelflight gets up and starts galloping* 4. The last symptom, is buying the song on iTunes and constantly playing it on your phone. *Squirrelflight immediatly buys song* Squirrelflight: Uh Leafpool? *is doing the dance and song is blaring out of phone* Leafpool: SHUSH! This is the best part! *is staring at the main menu* Squirrelflight: Leafpool! I think I have it! Leafpool: Oh my goodness gracious Matilda you do! *starts dancing too* Oh no I have it! -Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Cinderheart, Icecloud, and Mistystar come out of a den doing the congo-line but start doing Gangnam Style- Jayfeather: Leafpool, were you curing patients without me? Leafpool: Uh... No. Jayfeather: You- you- you- you- Lionblaze: Deep breaths bro, we we're working on this. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale- Jayfeather: YOU LET THE GANGNAM FEVER ESCAPE INTO CAMP! NOW MOST OF THE SHE-CATS HAVE ONE DIRECTION INFECTION, AND THEN FIRESTAR'S GHOST STILL HAS HARLEM SHAKE DISORDER! *exhales* Rosepetal: *runs out of den screaming* I love you Zayn Malik! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs out of camp* I'm going to buy a life-sized cut out of my Zayn! Mousewhisker: *runs out after her* I'm going to buy a lock of Liam's hair on the Internet! Cinderheart: You know what I just realized? Everyone: What? Cinderheart: All of this doesn't make any sense. Cats can't dance, we don't have electronic devices or music, or thumbs, and how did you get a couch in here! Leafpool: Where have you been? We've been modrenizing! Lionblaze: She's been contemplating life decisions. Cinderheart: Yeah, I mean, Edward or Jacob and cookies or cream! These are the tough decisions! Everybody: Right...